life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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