We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
