Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize