Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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