i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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