Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
