Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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