He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
