I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
