i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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