your room smells of hookers.
And success
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
