She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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