wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
