there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
