Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
