he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
