Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
