Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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