There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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