i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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