ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
