yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
