Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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