U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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