How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize