I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
