i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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