First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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