Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
