She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
