Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
