Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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