i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The uberlube is also flammable
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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