she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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