I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
