White coat. Heels.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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