I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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