I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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