I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
