sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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