he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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