Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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