whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
