best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
