the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
