im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
