Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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