Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize