Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
