Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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