We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
