i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to calm my uterus...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize