Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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