Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
