She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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