I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
