my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
