she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
