Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
from now on my penis is your penis
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
