after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
