so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
