life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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