We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
