He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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