i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
