feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
