shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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