So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
