Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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