For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
