oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
