i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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