we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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