I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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