So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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