what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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