that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You took a bar mat shot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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